Redemption
by Insanity 101
Summary: The Nothing Room, as Starfire had taken to calling it, was appropriately named. There was absolutely nothing of interest in it, just white walls, concrete floor. Oh, and a person. Robin, he was once called. RaeXRob...progresses as story unfolds.
1. True Failure

_Little (actually long) idea spawned while reading The Blink Trilogy and listening to Behind Blue Eyes, by Limp Bizkit. The song/poem was written by me, so you can cool your jets now. I took Furubafun24's example and decided to stop bucking the system. Italics is flashbacks, thoughts, and telepathic communication, bold is the lyrics. This is kinda a BB/RaeXRob/Star...or something, but I'm not really focusing on any but the middle pairing.

* * *

_

"Friend Cyborg, it has been seven Earth days since we locked Robin in the Nothing Room. Should we not release him? I am sure he has learned his lesson!" Starfire looked slightly hopeful at the thought, but there was a sadness in her eyes that had not always been there. It came when Robin... 

"I don't think that's a good idea, Star." Cyborg refused to look at her as he continued tapping away on the keyboard, eyes locked on the screen.

Starfire's face fell. "Why is it not a good idea, friend?"

"Hmm, let's think about that for a sec. One, we found out he's been running around doing Slade's errands for him, two, he attacked Beast Boy, and three, he's absolutely insane. Should I go on, or do you get the picture?" Cyborg still didn't look at her, but his voice was cold enough.

Starfire drew back, eyes wide in shock. Then she nodded slowlly, turning her back on her friend and whispering, "Perhaps Robin should have locked _you_ in the Nothing Room, for I fear that _you_ are the one who needs it." Then the door slid shut, and Cyborg was left alone with his thoughts.

* * *

Raven glided slowly down the hallway, waiting patiently as the elevator doors slid open and granted her entrance. She automatically reached for the button marked "roof", but then something else caught her eye. _B_. Basement...fourty-five floors away from her destination. Biting her lip, her gaze burned into that button as though she was seeing her best friend impaled on a spike...and in some ways, she was. It didn't take long for her to make a decision. 

The elevator dropped rapidly, giving her that uncomfortable leaping sensation as the floors clicked by on the bright green read-out above the door. _35_..._36_...her stomach clenched more with every floor that passed her by, and for a moment she wanted nothing more than to fly up through the roof of this dratted metal box and be free of that horrid feeling curling its fingers around her throat. It was a terrible thing, admitting that you were afraid of someone you once considered your best friend.

A green _B_ flahsd above the door, and the metal wall parted to reveal the darkness of Titans Tower's very last floor. Mountains of boxes and crates loomed out of the darkness, a flickering light bulb casting eerie shadows across the concrete floor. The sight brought that horrible feeling to a stomach-turning crescendo, but Raven forced herself to walk past the threatening shadows, headed for a plain, unmarked door at the very back of the room, a faint glow visible in the space beneath it. The light automatically shut off at 7:00 every night, then came back on at 7:00 every morning: twelve hours of light, twelve hours of darkness, perhaps to give the room's occupant some sense of time. Aside from three meals a day, that was the only courtesy the half-robot gifted their former leader with. In his mind, this was far better than doing what they should (turning him over to the police), and much more than Robin deserved.

Raven froze outside the door, listening to the complete and utter silence within the room. If her senses hadn't told her otherwise, she would have believed it empty. A lone tear escaped her violet eyes and streaked silently down her cheek, but she made no attempt to hide it. There was no one here to see, anyway. Hesitantly, she reached out and laid her hand flat against the cold metal as more of the prisoner tears coursed down her cheeks to fall like impossible rain on the concrete. Raven opened her mouth to say something, anything, _everything_, but the words stuck in her throat like so many rocks, making it harder and harder to breathe in the silence. _Why?_

With a light touch of her finger, the smallest circle of black energy appeared on the door at eye level, then the metal slowly parted to reveal a tiny hole. It had been so long since she'd seen him...seven days, she realized with a start. Why did it feel like an eternity?

He was crouched in the corner, head in his hands and completely still. Raven could barely even see the slight rise and fall of his breathing. The tears came faster now, burning rivers of guilt and regret. He looked so hopeless, so weak...why did she let them do this to him? Everything they had heard, everything he had done, none of it was true. It couldn't be! Not Robin, never Robin. Surely there was some mistake.

Something caught her eye, drawing her attention away from Robin and towards the ground before him. Amethyst eyes widened as she realized what the discarded piece of cloth was: Robin's mask, powerful and undefeated, defiant and apathetic. It wasn't the weapons that made him dangerous, it wasn't the costume that transformed him. It was that mask. That mask _was_ Robin.

And there it was, carelessly tossed aside, lying in a weak and crumpled heap on the ground. If he wasn't Robin...then who was he?

"Raven!"

The empath jumped as a shout came, not from the figure in the room, but from behind her, back in the direction of the elevator. She whipped around to see Beast Boy running toward her. "What are you doing down here?"

Within the confines of his prison, Raven felt him stir, lifting his head at the sound of the changeling's voice. The room was soundproof...except when someone went around putting magical holes in the door.

Raven shifted slightly to the right, concealing the door from her friend's view. "I was looking for a box of my old spell books. There's an incantation in one of them that might be able to improve my meditation." The lie was as smooth as silk, and the darkness was kind enough to shroud her face, concealing the tears.

But, for the first time in Raven's experience with him, Beast Boy wasn't fooled. "Well, if you were thinking of looking in there for it, I can tell you that there's _nothing_ worthwhile in that room." She was slightly surprised at the utter scorn and hatred his words displayed for someone he had once called leader and friend.

Half of her wanted to yell and scream at him for those words, but the other half resigned in silent agreement. Torn, Raven's mind reached back into that room, desperately casting out the one question she had to have the answer to, her last effort before giving up entirely. _"Who are you?"_

Stunned silence was the only response he gave.

"Why are you down here, Raven? You should be up there, with us. With _the Titans_, not down here in the dark and...scum." Beast Boy reached out to take her hand, and as he did so, Raven's eyes fell on the slight bulge around his chest. Bandages, to hold the ribs in place as they healed. The sight still made her blood run cold.

"You're right. I'm coming." She consented, but did not take his hand.

Slightly hesitant, Beast Boy made his way back to the elevator, then halted, waiting for her.

Raven slowly turned back to the door, breathing in sharply as her wide eyes met a pair of the deepest blue, staring back at her with such intensity that she felt as though she was being x-rayed. Hope leapt within her...but a closer look showed the empath something she had dreaded, feared, desperately ignored, and yet always been aware of. There was a darkness in his eyes, revolting and terrifying, so potent that it made her stomach turn and her skin crawl.

With a shiver, she tore herself away and allowed the hole to close over, blocking the eyes from her view...though she could still feel his gaze. Breathing hard, she backed away slowly, then began to run, eager to get away from the dark and away from those eyes. That wasn't Robin. Robin was dead.

Beast Boy wrapped a gentle arm around her shoulders, whispering words of comfort as the elevator door slid shut, and the darkness of the basement vanished from her sight...but not her mind.

* * *

The Nothing Room, as Starfire had taken to calling it, was appropriately named. There was absolutely nothing of interest in it, just white walls, concrete floor. Oh, and a person. Robin, he was once called. 

He stood staring blankly at the door, gaze fixed on the place where her eyes had been just moments before, where her eyes had vanished, melting back into the metal. She had looked at him with ultimate disgust, fear, disappointment. It would have frozen his heart, had it not already been stone cold.

**I walked a line  
****Between everything  
****And nothing at all  
****So thin  
****So fragile  
****Constructed of weak materials**

They were his friends. He loved them like the family he no longer had, protected them, defended them to the death. And they did the same for him. They were a team, united in heart, body, and mind.

Until he drove that love back into their hearts like a knife, effectively killing any affection they ever had for him.

_"What the heck do you think you're doing? Get your filthy hands off him!" _

_Robin cried out in pain as the blast caught him in the back, sending him flying into the wall. Vision red with anger, he jumped back to his feet only to be met with a cold iron fist, smashing his head back into the wall. He growled, struggling to hit the half-robot as a hand clamped around his neck in a vice-like grip. He choked, gasping for air and glaring daggers as he tore at Cyborg's fist in vain. The grip became tighter as his body convulsed with the need for air..._

_Robin's eyes widened in horror as Cyborg's face slowly morphed into one far more terrifying, a single cold gray eye glaring indifferently up at him as the fist tightened yet again. "I oughta snap your scrawny little neck!" Slade hissed, eye narrowing malevolently._

_"Cyborg, let him go!"_

_The image of Slade flickered momentarily, his vision beginning to darken, chest crushed in the absence of desperately needed oxygen._

_"I said, Let Him Go!"_

_The hand was suddenly released, but by then, the darkness had already closed in on him._

He woke up to find himself here, door locked and utility belt confiscated. Just like that, he lost everything.

**Lies  
****Hopes  
****Fantasies**

Staring at the blank metal door for the thousandth time, there was nothing he wanted more than to see those eyes again, hated stare and all. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had hoped that Raven, his best friend, his confidant, his defender, might still care for him, maybe even rescue him from this miserable hole. That hope was crushed now, but still...he would have given anything he had left to offer for just one more glimpse of Raven's eyes.

One hand, white and gloveless, reached shakily toward the door and touched it gently, imagining that he could still see her face. He focused so hard on it that he could almost feel the warmth of her skin. "Come back," he croaked, voice hoarse from long periods of screaming and silence. He was vaguely surprised to feel the warmth of a tear on his cheek. It was the first to escape him in this place. "Raven...please."

**The plastic smile on her face  
****The promises I never keep  
****Friendships long dead  
****But stubbornly gripped  
****All that is meaningless  
****And empty**

He knew she wasn't coming. Not with what Beast Boy said. Robin blinked another tear from his maskless eyes, his icy indifference melting enough to uncover the pain. _No one_ was coming. To say that he could rot here before being released would be no exageration at all. Part of him wished they would just turn him over to the police. At least then he could walk around a bit, maybe even go outside if he didn't cause any trouble. His body was screaming for excersice, for air, for sunlight! He felt himself slowly growing weaker by the day, slowly submitting to this nightmare. If Hell is a state of mind, then he was consumed by the flames.

Robin spent the first day screaming for release and pounding on the door until his hands were bruised and bleeding. On the second he shifted to desperate threats and insults. The third marked his stoop to promises and bribes. He passed the fourth day in silence. And on the fifth day, Robin genuinely begged and pleaded for freedom. None of the above phased them in the slightest, so on the sixth day, he gave up and relinquished the control he never had in the first place. He hadn't seen another human being since that first day...until Raven. And now she too had slipped away.

This was all because of Slade.

**One wrong step  
****One mistake  
****The line will break  
****Nothing to keep me from my**** fear  
****I'm all alone  
****Standing here**

At first, he kept telling himself that it was all an act. Know your enemy, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, the end justifies the means. What were a few robberies, if it meant he could catch the greatest threat to the city he stole from? What was arson, if the most dangerous man in Jump ended up behind bars? Just a few petty crimes, he told himself, just a few more, and I'll have him.

But before long, he began to forget his objective. Slade began looking less and less like an enemy, and more and more like an ally. He was caught up in the thrill, the challenge, the risk...and slowly, little by little, he started to like it.

Slade him him in up to his neck and thinking that he wanted it that way, no doubt all according to his "Plan". Of course, Robin did eventually snap out of it...

**You say you want to help me  
****You say you'll be there  
****But you're not real  
****You're not real**

_Robin choked, spitting out a mouthful of blood as he ran his hand along his ribcage and felt the sharp jut of broken bones._

_"Now, Robin, why the theatrics? We both know that this is what you want. You enjoy being my apprentice, any fool can see that. So please, stop the charade so I can give you your next assignment." Slade offered him a hand, eye as empty and emotionless as ever._

_"No..." Robin groaned, not so much from the pain as from the battle within. "I...I'm a hero, Slade! I'm a hero! I'm the good guy!"_

_Slade laughed openly, finding Robin's desperate lies extremely amusing. "Of course. Now, about your next mission..."_

_Robin spat out a mouthful of blood, letting it land with a gruesome splash on his Master's shoe. "I'm not going on any stinking mission, Slade! This has all been an act! You lose, and now I'm going to kick your sorry butt into a jail cell, you psycho! I win!"_

_Slade was no longer amused, but thoroughly annoyed with Robin's stupidity. He bent down and easily lifted his rebellious apprentice off the ground, giving him a condescending glare. "Is that so?"_

_In one fluid movement, he tossed Robin away from him, sending him crashing straight through the pile of crates and old machinery. Before the boy could even move, he jerked him to his feet and delivered a stunning blow to his head, knocking him back enough to kick him full in the chest. _

_Robin let out a cry of pain as he hit the ground, retching as Slade stood over him, hands behind his back and a smirk on his lips behind the mask. "Have you had enough, or shall we continue this little game?"_

_Robin rolled over on his side, eyes squeezed shut as he coughed and gagged, blinding pain surging through him as Slade's words rang in his ears._

_"I'll take that as a no." Master turned his back on the wounded boy, headed for the door. "Sleep on it. I'm sure my pathetic little robin will be singing a different tune in the morning."_

And that was the last time he resisted.

**How can I lose something  
****I never had at all  
****Never had at all**

Robin slowly made his way back to his corner, joints stiff from cold and sleeping on the concrete floor. Easing himself down with a grimace, his eyes fell on _it. _A cold fire awoke deep within them as he cursed that object with all his strength. That _thing_ was what got him here in the first place. If it wasn't for Robin, he would never have met that twisted psychopath, he would never have become a Titan, never have hurt them, never have been locked away in this wretched hole. It was Robin. _He_ was to blame for everything.

Adrenaline bolstering what strength he had left, he leapt to his feet and stomped, kicked, and tore it to shreds, a howl like that of some poor, lonely dog bursting from his lips as what was left of it fell from limp hands. Chest heaving, tears streaming from his tortured eyes, he screamed loud and hard, head thrown back and eyes screwed up against the pain. Somewhere inside him he was praying that someone would hear.

**All that was my world  
****Just crashed down**

Horror so powerful it paralyzed his lungs and crushed his chest took hold of him as the scream echoed in the silence until his ears were ringing, bringing no response. They had left him here, he was alone and locked away. He would die here, abandoned, forsaken. They were gone.

Any remaining strength drained out of him, and he fell against the wall, sliding to the ground. Eyes wide and breath permanently lodged in his chest, he stared at the thing with red eyes as it slowly advanced, fangs dripping and claws clicking against the concrete. His lips formed the words, but no sound met his ears. _"Help me."_

The thing growled low, eyes burning with Hellfire, breath hot and foul on his face. His head spun and reeled as though intoxicated with fear, the words chasing themselves around and around in his mind as it opened its mouth and roared, rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth glinting in the artificial light. _"I'm sorry! Help me, please help me!"_ But still no sound escaped his lips.

**You can stop now  
****You've won, but it's not enough  
****Not enough for you  
****There is no mercy here**

Some hint of reason broke through the fog of panic in his brain as he realized just how impossible this creature was. His hand shook wildly, going against all his better judgement and reaching straight toward its gaping mouth. The hand passed through thin air as the creature flexed its claws and glared viciously back at him.

So he really was insane.

"Raven." The thing's eyes morphed from burning red to deep, soft purple as it lunged, slashing a claw across his unprotected chest. Something echoed in his head, shouting over and over again until he was tempted to beat the words out of it.

_"Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?"_

With a cry of pain, he gripped his head in his hands and shouted into the stale air, voice cracking, full of desperation and longing. "Richard Grayson! I'M RICHARD GRAYSON!"

**One wrong step  
****One mistake  
****The line will break  
****Nothing to keep me from my  
****Fear  
****I'm all alone  
****Standing here**

"Raven..._Raven..._"

* * *

"He's sick, Cyborg." 

The hybrid didn't even break his speed as he typed away on the keyboard. "Tell me something I don't know."

Anger burned behind Raven's eyes, and if he could have seen them, he might have used a different tone. "No, I mean _sick_. Delirious. Fevering. If someone doesn't go down there and help him, he could...die." The last word was barely a whisper, hardly even heard above the clicking of the keys.

Cyborg was unimpressed. "Maybe he should have thought of that before he decided to become Slade's filthy little lapdog."

Raven had heard enough. In the blink of an eye she stood beside him, forcing his head up with a black tentacle of power until he was forced to look at her. "Maybe you didn't understand me. If he doesn't get help soon, _he will die_!"

Cyborg's gaze was cold and unaffected as he stared calmly back at her. It was clear that he didn't care. "An eye for an eye. Justice is served."

**All that was my world  
****Just crashed down**

_

* * *

Well there you have it. I know the poem doesn't fit quite as well as the song did...but bear with me here, I'm doing the best I can. Quite long, so congrats if you made it this far. I poured my heart and soul into this thing, so if you don't like it I just might cry. -Dusty_


	2. Compassion

_Ah, hello again. Here is the next chapter you've been asking for...-sigh- I'm still mourning the loss of all those reviews...why did they have to delete it? Why? Oh well. This chapter was cooked up while listening to a pleasant mixture of Evanescence and Dashboard Confessional, but the poem fits it best of anything I can think of...and it was written by me, thank you very much. Should be sad...it made my mom cry, but of course that doesn't necessarily mean it will do the same for you. _

_They Call Me Sweetsnow: Yes I did, the site deleted it. Thank you._

_Darkofthenight: Yes, I did. The site deleted it. Thank you._

_Cherry Jade: Thank you, I really did work as hard as I could on it...and that's a good possibility._

_basketcase101: Thanks! Don't cry, I'm writing more._

_CuTtEr.WiTh.A.cAuSe: Wow...thank you. The main focus is Rae/Rob, there's some BB/Rae in this chapter...and there probably won't be any more Star/Rob besides what happened in the first chapter. A bit confusing I know._

_Digital. One Piece.: Yes exactly. Good, in my reasoning I figured she would be the most likely to visit. I am planning on elaborating on what happened with Beast Boy in later chapters, so that should make sense. As far as working for Slade, he almost broke the first time, what with enjoying it and all...I don't think he could survive a second time, and when he tried to resist Slade showed him very clearly who was stronger...Thank you._

_Angel Caida: Yes, it exhausted me for sure. And so did this chapter...lol no it's not a one-shot._

_otakualways: Well, he always showed harsh tendencies, especially toward Robin...hmm...we'll see._

_F. Ros: Wow, thank you. I did the best I could on it._

_Mystyre: -sigh- That's because he usually is the first one to give up on Robin. Their conflict is obvious, I mean heck, it started in the first episode! But I'm also basing this on how he acted in Overdrive...his mechanical parts are taking over. I know I didn't mention this, but Robin's 17 in this story, so Cy's probably 24 or something... Yes, he never gives up...but just that statement is so unrealistic. I decided to make an in-depth exploration of what happens when he does give up. -shrug- It's what I write, the idea wouldn't leave me alone, so I just hope to write good angst. Hmm...Thanks, I was hoping it would. I rather liked that line also...LOL is this ASAP enough for you?_

_Umbro Draco: -sob- I most certainly did not delete it! The site did...because of the song...what did your other review say? Gah I'm so mad! Seventeen reviews, gone! Yes I will continue...hope you like this.  
_

* * *

Raven didn't bother with elevators this time. The moment she was out the door, she glowed black and sank right through the floor. She passed smoothly through level after level, catching a brief glimpse of Starfire crying in her room as the basement drew ever closer. Her mind wandered back to Cyborg's uncaring statement: _"An eye for an eye. Justice is served."_ Justice? If that was his idea of justice, then he was just as lost as Robin. 

Robin...her stomach lurched and twisted as though she had consumed a pair of live snakes. She could easily sense him: his mind in a frantic whirl, his heart beating dangerously fast, just as it had on another such occasion, when Slade had made his first after-death appearance. It had been cruel to lock him in the basement where so much torment had occurred...But maybe cruelty was what Cyborg had intended.

Raven alighted gracefully on the cold concrete floor, gazing into the shadows for the second time that day. There she was, hovering uncertainly before the door again. Raven was slightly afraid of what she would find, but determination drove her through the door and into the dreaded room.

He lay hunched and shivering against the wall, breathing ragged and fast-paced as he gazed with feverish horror into empty air, a series of words and phrases tripping from his mouth in a jumbed stream.

"Raven...n-no...help...s-sorry...ri...Richard. I...I-I'm Richard...p-please..."

Guilt powerful enough to make her flinch and silently chant her mantra coursed through Raven as she took several hurried steps forward, dropping to her knees and reaching a careful hand toward his forehead...

He swatted weakly at the hand, eyes unfocused and threatening to roll back into his head. "N-no...no...stop..."

Swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, Raven managed to choke out a response. "It's me, Robin. Don't be afraid, I'm here."

A tear rolled down his cheek as his eyes became slightly more focused, an intense agony burning in their frozen depths. "No...you're n-not...Raven...not c-coming...never..."

Raven bit her lip hard, cursing herself for not doing this sooner. She reached out and gently brushed his burning cheek with her fingertips. "I'm here, Robin. I'm here."

Rough breathing ceased as she touched him. His eyes grew wide as they met hers, tears swimming in the deep blue ocean. "R...R-raven?" he whispered, voice shaking and trembling as much as his weakened body, filled with desperate longing.

She meant to smile reassuringly, but her lips would not obey her. "Yes," she whispered, reaching out and taking his hand. The fingers were limp and unresponsive, as though they hadn't felt her touch. The shaking became more violent, his breaths shorter and farther-spaced as eyes rolled aimlessly and eyelids drooped wearily. Frowning deeply and trying to contain her fear, Raven reached out to him, preparing for the journey back up through the tower. He couldn't stay in this damp, cold room any longer.

Slowly, as though the small movement exhausted him, Robin shook his head. "No...leave me...g-go now..."

Violet eyes widened, pain reflected deep within them. She couldn't believe he would really say that, especially when just moments before he had seemed so relieved to see her.

**Please, please don't look at me  
I don't deserve those eyes**

"No, I'm not going to leave you. You're sick, Robin, you need someone to help you. No one deserves..._this_." Her stomach twisted in disgust as she glanced around the room. Being in here for five minutes was enough to make her shiver and gasp with claustrophobia; she couldn't even imagine what an entire week would be like.

He paralyzed her with that tortured gaze, tears spilling from his eyes and rolling down his flushed cheeks like rain on the windowpane. Taking a shuddering breath, he choked out two simple words, whispering an eternity of pain. "I do."

It took her a few moments for his meaning to truly sink in, and when it did, her blood ran cold. _No one_ deserved this cruelty, and Robin was anything but no one. Before he could say another word, Raven enveloped him in shimmering black energy and melted through the ceiling.

The journey was much shorter as their destination was, not the living room, but Raven's bedroom. He would be safe there; none of the Titans dared intrude on her privacy.

Raven eased him over to her bed, laying him gently on the soft black comforter. It must have felt as though she had captured a cloud for him, after a week of sleeping on a concrete floor. With a hesitant glance, as though afraid of leaving him for even a moment, she glided into the bathroom and soaked a washcloth in ice-cold water. It wouldn't be enough, but at least she would be doing _something_ to help him.

Robin gasped as the cold rag touched his skin, eyes opening with difficulty. Seeing her worried face gazing gently down at him, he shrank back, reaching up to push the rag away. "Don't..."

**Please don't touch me, Angel  
I fear what my darkness could do  
To that perfect skin**

Raven recoiled slightly, a hurt look reflected in her deep purple orbs, making him feel even worse...but he couldn't stay here. Right now, all he wanted was for her to put him back in that room and leave him alone. It was so much easier...

Taking a deep breath, she looked away awkwardly, still holding the rag. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't take her help...but she knew he needed it. Robin was _not_ going to die; not if she had anything to say about it. He had the look of a wounded animal, darting fearful glances out of wide eyes and franticly searching for an escape, and it tugged at her heart, erasing everything he had done wrong and leaving her exposed to the guilt and loss. Somehow she would make him see that it wasn't too late. Somehow... "Robin, I want to help you. I...all of that...it doesn't matter right now. You're my friend, I love you just as much as the others, and I'm not going to let you suffer. You aren't alone, Robin. Just let me help you...please?"

Her eyes bored into him, penetrating deep into his soul and laying bare all of its darkness and filth. Shame far more painful than any physical wound burned inside him, making him wish for nothing more than something to hide his face from those heavenly eyes. She shouldn't have to see something so despicable and disgusting.

**Please don't speak  
Your voice is a pleasure  
I sacrificed long ago**

Robin swallowed hard, mouth parched and tongue swollen. "Don't...help me. Just...just put me...back...p-please?"

Raven just stared at him, confusion and pain etched into every feature. How coud he explain? Every glance was a thousand knives driven through his body, every touch ripped his heart in two, every word killed him. Loneliness was so much less painful than this excruciating sense of loss. She was a mirage in the desert, agonizingly close and completely unatainable. And _he_ had made it that way. He would rather die a thousand deaths than to endure one more moment of her sweet presence.

**Leave me, I deserve it  
Abandon me, I understand  
Kill me, I'll thank you  
Just please, I beg you  
Don't show me love**

Raven's frown remained, but her confusion slowly died away as understanding worked its way in. The emotional rollercoaster radiating from him was beginning to make sense. He thought it was too late to redeem himself, considered the things he had done beyond forgiveness, believed himself too evil to be loved. The empath's frown deepened as she thought over everything that had happened in a way she had never before allowed. It was painful, but she forced herself to consider everything she knew about his apprenticeship; the problem was...she had a feeling that what she knew was considerably less than all there was to know. She would have to trust her instincts, and they were telling her that, though Robin did steal and attack, he never stooped low enough to take a life. Raven knew what a murderer looked like, and a murderer, Robin was not. There was still hope for him, there _had_ to be. She was _not_ going to let him give up. Taking a deep breath and staring intensely at the many volumes on her bookcase, Raven spoke.

"The road of life has many smooth paths, lit with sunlight and framed in the beauty of the trees. There are summers, hot and sunny, and falls, soothed with cool breezes and crisp nights. They bring us the greatest joy imaginable." Raven slowly turned her gaze on him, violet locking with stunning blue. "But every life has a winter: frozen, empty, and bitter. Every shred of summer's joy and autumn's peace vanishes, engulfed by the all-consuming white. Every moment is stretched out until happiness fades away into the icy prison. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you begin to fear that it will never end." The blue eyes widened in awe as tears began to gather deep within them; a storm cloud threatening rain. "Even then, Robin, there is hope. Do you know what it is?" The boy remained silent, one tear after another escaping as he trembled slightly. A gentle smile crept onto Raven's lips. "Spring, Robin. The promise of a new beginning, the promise of _freedom_. It's not always easy to find. Sometimes Spring's gentle sunlight falls on great destruction and sorrow. Sometimes you have to sacrifice much to find that heart-lifting joy again." The dark girl was silent for a moment, gazing into his eyes as though completely lost in them. With a small shake of her head, she exhaled slowly, composure regained. "In reality, there is only one question to answer. Would you rather live a life imprisoned, or die with your freedom?"

Robin could only stare, struck dumb as her words penetrated to his very core. He no longer felt the hot tears burning in his eyes, aware of nothing but the impossible vision before him.

**Such beauty and innocence  
Perfection in the light of your eyes**

In the midst of his turmoil, one question would not be silenced, echoing inside his mind until it finally forced its way to his mouth. "Why?"

Raven looked at him, surprised at the whispered question.

_Why _was she doing this? _Why _did she care? _Why_ was she wasting her time on him? Her affection was infinitely confusing, like stroking a dog when it expects to be kicked. His tongue wouldn't form the words as her eyes continued to burn into him, threatening to pull him in and disolve any remaining resistance, should he let them. He could only choke out the same word and hope she would understand. "W...why?"

**Sweet, sweet angel  
Why descend from your cloud on high  
To help one so evil and lost as I?**

A sudden frown darkened Raven's eyes, his thoughts making her bleed inside. Why did he think himself so worthless, so despicable, so inferior? What could she say to make him understand? She loved him, in spite of all his mistakes, in spite of everything he had done. Love is not a lightswitch. It refuses to be flicked on and off by something so irrelevant in comparison to its ancient power. At a loss for anything better to say, Raven whispered the one thing that came to mind, something he once told her, something that meant the world to her. "Because that's what friends do."

Robin turned his face away in shame, afraid of the soft smile in her eyes. He knew what it meant...and the realization was slowly tearing him apart.

**Why do I see that unconditional love  
So utterly wasted on me?**

A small sigh, containing a hint of exasperation, escaped Raven's lips. She had tried everything...except this.

The former hero gasped, indigo eyes wide in astonishment. Slowly, as though afraid of breaking the spell, he tilted his head downward to take in the sight. Raven's arms were wrapped around him, conveying trust and protection at the same time, her head rested against his chest, eyes scrunched up, mouth pursed and forehead wrinkled in determination. Her body seemed strangely cool in comparison to his own, as refreshing as a gentle breeze whispering in through an open window. An entrancing scent enveloped him, peppermint and honey and so many others he couldn't even name...and honestly, it didn't matter. The smell was, simply, Raven...and nothing could ever be more comforting.

The empath felt him relax, tensed muscles loosening, breath coming in rhythmic waves, heartbeat slow and steady. Little by little, the walls were coming down, revealing a weak and hesitant glimpse of what she had been searching for all along. A gentle smile softened her expression as her own heart calmed. Robin was here...surely nothing could be wrong.

In that moment, it seemed utterly impossible that anything could ruin this heaven or drain the happiness it contained. However, the means for accomplishing both existed in the form of an oddly-colored fly that zoomed, unnoticed, out the open window.

**Leave me, I deserve it  
Abandon me, I understand  
Kill me, I'll thank you  
Just please, I beg you  
Don't show me love**

The words came in a confused jumble, pulsing with sobs so desperately contained and giving away the silent tears. "R-raven...didn't mean...t-tried...I tried...I p-promise I did, R-raven...too hard...c-couldn't...s-sorry. Sorry...I-I'm so sorry, R-raven...I'm so sorry..."

"Shh," Raven whispered, with all the tenderness of a mother comforting her guilt-stricken child. She gently rubbed his back as the hug was fiercely returned, regret more powerful than any word raging through his body, as strong as the fever. "I know, Robin. It's ok..."

He tensed slightly, falling silent at her words. Then a whisper, barely audible, reached her ears. "Richard..."

Raven pulled back gently, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

He held her gaze; a glistening tear slipped down his cheek, adding to the pain in his features. "My name is Richard Grayson," he replied; almost robotic in comparison to his former broken speech.

Raven's eyes widened slightly, surprise clear on her face. Richard...? It had occurred to her that Robin must have, at the very least, a last name, but now that she knew it... Before her eyes was a person, completely human and mortal, a teenager dressed in a superhero costume. He had a name. He had feelings, hopes, dreams. He would bleed, just like anyone else. What she was looking at...was a soul, beaten to the point of death. The knowledge left her head reeling in a tailspin, mind blank and filled to the exploding point at the same time. No, not Robin. _Richard Grayson. _A complete stranger.

Her gaze burned him, saying so clearly what he had known all along...

**I am not the one you loved--  
I die inside, but know it--  
I am not your hero, Angel  
He vanished long ago  
Gunned down by greed, hatred...**

**Indifference**

**I never knew, never gave thought  
To the precious gem, all mine  
Until I lost her**

The heavy silence between them was shattered like glass as the metal door was blasted out of its frame, skidding along the floor to crash against the wall. Sparks flew from the destroyed electronics as a looming shadow slowly materialized into the self-appointed leader of the Teen Titans, Beast Boy in his wake.

"Raven, get away from him!" the changeling yelled, hands balled into fists as his normally kind green eyes burned with fury.

"Get out of the way, Raven." Cyborg's voice was eerily calm, gaze fixed on Robin as the sonic cannon hummed to life.

Their former leader stared emptily back at them, no sign of resistance; the credit due to more than his inability to stand much less fight. Submission was clear in his eyes, resignation etched into every feature, and a hint of something that might have been relief revealed in his slumped shoulders. He was welcoming the end.

Raven quickly recovered from the shock of their intrusion, fixing the both of them with an icy glare. "And what exactly are you planning to do, if I move?"

"What our position requires us to do: see that justice is served. Criminals must be punished, like I told you before." Cyborg kept that frigid attitude, his cannon leveled at Robin's chest...or where it would have been, had Raven not been blocking it from view. The tension with which he stood said quite plainly that he would not wait much longer.

"_Justice_," Raven spat, voice full of contempt. "You know _nothing _of justice."

"Raven...please." Beast Boy's eyes darted fearfully from Raven to the gun, begging her to just move so they could end this nightmare.

"I'm going to say this one last time: Get Out Of The Way." Cyborg coolly tapped his arm, switching the cannon settings from "stun" to "kill". It was high time to sluff off the bad and make way for the good. _His_ good.

Raven opened her mouth to protest, but a hand on her shoulder froze her tongue. She jerked her head around, locking eyes with..._Richard_ for what felt much longer than five seconds. His eyes said everything, and her own saddened with every word she percieved...until she came to the last. _Goodbye_.

The boy who was Robin gently pushed her away and out of the line of fire, the fleeting glimpse of a smile meant only for her eyes. _"Thank you, Raven. For everything." _Blue eyes closed for a moment, a steadying breath meant to calm the frantic beating of his heart, soon to be forever silenced...then he turned to face the mouth of the cannon, no fear, anger, or regret in his eyes. The remnants of old beliefs were completely in harmony with the half-robot's reasoning; he was a criminal, and criminals must recieve due punishment. In some ways, death was more a gift than a punishment, anyway. But...Richard desperately wanted to see his parents again, even though he knew, with a stab of agonizing regret, that they were not where _he _was going.

So this was what true failure felt like.

**Please, _please_ just  
Let me die**

Cyborg nodded in a satisfied way, taking advantage of the clear shot provided by Raven's absence. Beast Boy made no move to stop him, but slowly turned away, unwilling to watch something his heart told him was wrong. One blast, and it would all be over...

_"NO!" _Her mind screamed, but her mouth remained silent. _"Don't! You can't! NO!" _Raven hastily calmed herself, chanting her mantra silently, but holding the magic back, stored away and at her disposal. A shield would stop the blast with ease, and she could handle whatever came next... _"I told you it's not too late, and I meant that!"_

Tension pulsed in the air, electricity sparking through all of them as the cannon's hum grew louder and higher-pitched by the second, storing energy...it was almost ready...Cyborg's human eye looked almost as artificial as its companion as he prepared to fire.

**Leave me, I deserve it  
Abandon me, I understand  
Kill me, I'll thank you  
Just please, I beg you**

A siren loud enough to wake the dead blared through the tower, making all four jump as an orb of black magic collided with the bookcase and the sonic blast burned through the wall just above Robin's head. Shock held them all frozen for a moment as screech after screech pounded against their eardrums, warning of danger.

Cyborg glared coldly at Robin, chest heaving and eyes narrowed as his mind fought between what he wanted to do and what he _should_ do. The latter eventually won, and with a hasty, "Titans, go!" he raced out into the hallway, closely followed by Beast Boy. Raven and Robin were alone once again.

His breathing was ragged, his eyes wide and downcast. Raven could see disappointment clearly written in every feature. He might not have voiced it, but everything about him was screaming for that blast, aching for that killing blow... It felt as though someone had cut open her heart. "Ri..." She cleared her throat, and tried again, the word strange on her lips. "Richard...?"

**Don't show me love**

He shook his head, jerking a shaking hand across his cheek. No more words...he was through with them. "Go...help them. They...they need y-you."

Raven nodded slowly, then surprised him by pulling his arm over her shoulder and helping him stand. He was too weak to resist, so she supported him into the hallway where the others had disappeared, noticing vaguely how much heat his sickly body radiated...

**Don't show me love**

The empath stumbled backward, losing her grip on Robin as he tumbled to the floor. The very ground beneath their feet shook from the aftershock of the explosion as smoke pushed its way into their lungs and burned their eyes. It slowly cleared, revealing the dark outlines of Cyborg and Beast Boy. But who--?

A chilling voice crept from the smoke, quiet but so loud, sending a shiver of fear through one in particular. "I have come for my apprentice."

_**Don't show me love**_

_

* * *

Well...there you have it. Nearly killed myself writing this...just thought you might ponder that while reviewing me. -wink wink nudge nudge- Included a lovely little phrase from The End, part 1...any Star/Rob supporter that still thinks there have never been Rob/Rae hints is either pea-brained or incredibly good at pretending. Anywho...extremely exhausted, and yet already thinking about the third chapter...Peace -yawn- out -sniff-...-Dusty_


	3. Redemption

_Whoa. In my personal opinion this chapter is a miracle...it might not be good, but it was literally exhausting. Sorta like trying to squeeze your brain juice out through your ears...hehehe sorry for that nasty image. -cough cough- Enough rambling. This was written while listening to The All-American Rejects' new cd Move Along, the song It Ends Tonight in particular. I highly recommend it to all you guys out there. Cold, by Crossfade also deserves your attention._

_Inuyasha's Lady: Believe it or not, this was asap. I take it you like the story...?_

_They Call Me Sweetsnow: Yes, but mean doesn't do his atrocities justice. Thank you._

_Tifereth: Um...I would love to tell you right now that this chapter will take away the cold feeling and sick stomach...but my mother taught me not to lie. Thank you, I'm speechless myself that you liked it that much._

_Cherry Jade: I base his behavior on certain episodes such as Divide and Conquer, Wavelength, Winner Take All, Titans East, Overdrive, etc. Thank you. _

_Child of a Pineapple: Thank you...and I just have to ask. What's the story behind your penname? _

_Umbro Draco: Yes, it certainly does. But I will survive. I'm sure that particular analogy has been used before, but the words were mine. Raven was holding herself at the ready to create the shield, the alarm startled her, so her magic went of target, therefore hitting the bookcase. Thanks._

_jambey: Well, it killed me too, so yes I would have to say that was the affect I was shooting for. Apparently not -mutters angrily-. Thanks, I'm glad you like it. LOL nope, they aren't trained by Slade...unless of course Slade trains himself...on second thought, he is trained by Slade. -smiles furtively- Dito. This was as soon as possible...this chapter really took a lot out of me._

_CelticHeiressFiona: Thanks._

_otakualways: Yes it is indeed sad; drama, you bet; fluff? ...Perhaps I don't understand the definition of fluff. Ponderous..._

_I am Terra: Hello Terra. I'm sorry I made you cry...but then, that was my plan...hmm. Well I'm sorry anyway. Thank you very much._

_Mina: LOL it certainly was...but nothing compared to part 3! -calms self- As you said, save it for the emails. Yes, that actually sums it up fairly well and that's how I explained it to my mom...she's my unoffical editor, at least for this story. LOL nope, he is incredibly persistant, like one of those nasty flu bugs...No prob, I understand. Yay, indeed! Yeah...we need to update that, but Rusty's never online...-sigh- Thanks!_

_Angel Caida: Thanks!_

_Kamakazi Ninfa: Um...no, not directly...-calls lawyer- lol. I apologize for making you cry, although that was my intention...No comment. Thanks, I'm really glad you like the story!_

_Digital. One Piece.: Yes indeed, your review was a pleasant surprise. I can't go into great detail simply because it would cover a good two years of Slade's grand plan and mind manipulation methods, but Robin has every right to be weak. I'm glad. Silly? ...That is one word that I didn't anticipate a reviewer using to describe it, but ok. Yes, that is my theory for Cyborg's behavior. LOL what can I say? I have a special talent for such things. _

_basketcase101: You sound like Robin. I'm amazed it affected you like that...and I can't help but feel bad...even though it was supposed to do it...sorry for the long wait, but I was writing as fast as I could. Really glad you like it._

_Mystyre: LOL be careful what you wish for... Did you honestly think that Robin could just mend things with Raven and all would be better? Slade is not so easily defeated. I've seen all of it, and it was incredible. Loved it, so much Rae/Rob that it had me giggling and squealing like a girly-girl :S ...Just how flexible is your heart? I wish I could have a nap right now...nineteen pages to type up O.O Well off I go, onward ho. _

_Dannonspring: LOL whoa...now wouldn't that be picture-perfect? Hmm...good question. Crying in her room. Thank you, and this, amazingly enough, was soon._

_Child of Blood: You know me, angst is just my thing. _

_Aurora Mikayla: LOL totally wicked works just fine for me. Thank you, and it's always a pleasure to meet a fellow Rae/Rob shipper. Wait no more._

_CuTtEr.WiTh.A.cAuSe: Did you know your name is a beast to type? LOL darn, that would have been an experience, eh? No prob. _

_fallendreamz: This was soon...and I nearly gave myself brain damage doing it. _

_Scarredbyshallowness: Thank you. Well, good, because it is meant to be "out there". Glad you like it. Intense in what way? No problem, sorry it took a while but I was writing my butt off...I even set down Harry Potter to write this. _

_Insaneiac The Maniac: chap 1: LOL honestly, the only thing BB had against him was getting attacked...I know how he feels. When my best friend slapped me, it sorta made everything different. LOL yeah, I can't believe it either. Thanks...I was hoping it wouldn't detract. Yes, it was definitely supposed to be dark...and it sure was hard enough, so perfect would be great lol. I devote quite a bit of my time and energy into figuring out Robin...so I pride myself on keeping him in character, or in the "in character" that I think is in character...anywho. LOL no problem, and if you really want to be attacked...-summons demon furbies from the depths below- That should do it. I'm glad you read it too and quite happy to hear from you. chap 2: A medal eh? Hmmm...I think you just might get your second wish. Cyborg has basically bullied BB into doing whatever he says, and Beast Boy being the loyal friend (to the wrong person...but loyal all the same) doesn't want to stand up to him. Amazingly enough, I reached my limit. Did you honestly think Slade would let me not bring him back in? LOL oh yes, terribly familiar. Thanks. I liked that line myself. Yes, and the third part made it even more obvious! We just forsaw it...lol. Thank you, and stop kicking yourself please. All that matters is that you're here now. O.O Scarecrow mask? -crosses fingers in front of face- BACK, YE DEMON! BACK I SAY! Lol thanks for the review, it meant a lot. _

_strwbrrydaquiri: Thank you!_

_Italics is anything from thought to memory to...ugh just figure it out cuz I don't have the energy.

* * *

_

Stunned silence hung over them, the "apprentice" in question paralyzed with horror. All eyes were fixed on Slade, it being hard to ignore the elephant in the living room, so to speak.

"Apprentice, come. I have a job for you." Slade remained still, hands held behind his back as though giving Robin a chance to come of his own free will. That chance was swiftly ticking away, however.

_No. Please no. Anything but this, please! _Robin's eyes were wide, fear leaving him completely unable to breath, though his body screamed for oxygen. He knew from experience exactly how this would end; hoplessness dragged him under, just when he had finally glimpsed sunlight again.

Raven glared coldly at Slade, never taking her eyes off him as she sank to her knees beside Robin, one hand finding his and squeezing it protectively. She was trying to help...but somehow the gesture made everything worse.

"I am growing impatient," hissed Slade, eye narrowed in a cold glare that sent a shiver through the Titans.

Beast Boy darted a nervous glance at Cyborg, but the hybrid made no move to attack. He was waiting, eye narrowed, body as tense as a coiled spring, the cogs turning in his mechanical brain. He tilted his head ever so slightly towards the changeling, signaling him to hold fire until he gave the word. A worried frown darkened Beast Boy's forest green eyes, but he stepped back all the same, glancing uncertainly at Robin. The question in all of their minds was simply this: What would he do?

**People say  
"Do the right thing"  
As though it's as easy  
As breathing**

"Robin!" Slade snapped, his ability to project his voice making a shout unecessary. The message came across loud and clear without any emotion on his part.

Richard didn't dare correct his master; names were the last thing on his mind right now. He could feel Raven beside him, hear the slight rustle of her cloak as she moved restlessly, eager to attack. If it wasn't for Raven, he would still be in the basement, locked away and forgotten. If it wasn't for Raven, he would be dead right now. Raven gave him so much, none of it in the least bit deserved. He betrayed her, she loved him. He stabbed her in the back, she protected him. After everything she had done, how could he turn around and throw it all away? How could he go back to Slade?

Slade's eye roamed coldly around the group, finally coming to rest on Raven. "Unbelievable. You aren't seriously considering _staying _with them? By the looks of things, you're far from welcome, my boy."

Robin didn't have the strength to face them, but he could feel the frigid stares of confusion and pain. Half of him hoped that maybe Starfire, who had recently joined the twisted gathering, might say something, _anything _to show him that it wasn't true...but the majority of his brain knew that it was. How could he have anything but enemies here?

Raven's grip on his hand became almost painful, and he could feel her voice whispering in his mind; so many words, all completely drowned out by his master's poisonous tones. He could feel himself giving in, feel his resolution dying like a candle flame in the midst of a howling tempest. Slade could not be fought, Robin could not win. What was there to say?

**When in reality  
Nothing could ever be harder**

"You're a fish out of water here, my dear apprentice. There is no place for you among heroes. They would kill you, if their idiotic 'morals' didn't get in the way. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong." Slade smirked behind the mask as Robin blanched, not a word escaping his mouth. He didn't have to speak; doubt was written all over his face.

"Liar!"

Almost every eye turned on Raven, her outburst shattering the spell hanging thick around them. Robin's eyes were locked on Slade, though it was clearly painful for him, but he tensed at her words, flinching at the thought of what would have happened to him, had he ever called his master such a name. Fear clenched his empty stomach as he realized that he couldn't stop Slade if he wanted to hurt Raven. There had to be something he could do to protect her...

Slade turned his head slowly, a glint of amusement in his gray eye. "Is that so? I hate to disappoint you, my dear, sweet Raven, but there is only one liar in this room: that individual you are so desperately clinging to."

Robin shrank away from her touch, shame burning him up inside, though he remained ghostly pale. Slade's smile widened. _That's right, Robin. Reject her, push her away, seal off the last exit. Good boy._

A few slow, deliberate steps forward closed the distance between them, Slade towering over the pair with a presence that would make the strongest of men shiver. "Let me guess. He told you that he was sorry, that he didn't mean it, that he wanted to 'reform'? He played the perfect part of dejected dog; pathetic, pitiful, hopless? And you lapped up his act, just as he intended you to. Am I right, dear girl?" The last words were no more than a whisper, dripping with venom as Raven's eyes widened ever so slightly and Robin shook with some extreme cold, hunched against the wall and staring at his master with something close to disbelief.

Satisfied with his handiwork, Slade reached out and clamped an iron fist around Robin's upper arm, jerking him to his feet. With a cold glance for all of them, he droned, "You really should be thanking me for taking him off your hands. I'm sure your time and energy could be much better occupied; video games, perhaps? Say goodbye, Robin." With that, Slade half-lifted him down the hallway, and his apprentice made no attempt to fight. As though he could. Resistance was futile.

**You ache  
You grieve  
You weep  
Is it worth it?**

Cyborg was through waiting. "NOW!"

All four Titans released attacks at the command...they differed only in their target.

Beast Boy, Starfire, and Cyborg blinked in shock as their blows ricocheted off the shimmering black surface. Watching Slade and Robin disappear behind the protective shield, a roar of frustration burst from the half-robot as he whirled on the empath. "What the heck are you doing!"

Raven remained completely silent, gaze empty and unaffected. The shield remained intact.

"Friend Raven, do you not wish to stop Slade?"

"We gotta catch him, Raven! Take down the shield before it's too late!"

Cyborg slammed a fist into the shield with as much force as his mechanical body could command, making Raven wince slightly. "Robin's getting _away_!"

A stunned silence settled over Starfire and Beast Boy at his sudden outburst. The alien's eyes grew wide with understanding, while the changeling was shocked into growing some spine. "_Robin_? What do you mean 'Robin'? _Slade's_ the reason Robin became what he is! Why is this all about Robin for you!"

Cyborg glared, he huffed, he growled, but the shield remained, and no words came to answer Beast Boy's question. Feeling trapped, he did the thing he was used to by now: intimidated and insulted. "Well, there you go, Raven! You just aided a criminal in escaping justice! I hope you're happy, cuz what you did is unforgivable. Hey, here's a thought! Why don't you go join him, since you seem to love him so much! I'm sure Slade has room for two!" The hybrid expected an attack...but not from him.

Beast Boy's eyes burned with fury as he drew himself up to his full height (which didn't seem all that short anymore), fists clenched and shaking. "You insensitive JERK! Why the _heck_ did I ever listen to you! You're just a self-absorbed, egotistical _FREAK_!"

Ringing silence fell as Cyborg's surprise turned to anger, and anger melted into robotic indifference. After what seemed an eternity, he turned and walked stiffly away, the door sliding shut behind him. The shield slowly dissipated, and Raven stared at the panting changeling with wide eyes. She had never seen him that angry before...and there was still the fact that he defended her...

Tears welled up in Starfire's eyes as she stared at her broken team, her broken _friends_. "Oh Robin, what have you done?" she whispered, voice shaking with emotion. Before her teammates could say anything, she vanished behind yet another sliding metal door, her sobs drifting through the miniscule cracks.

Raven stared down at her hands, biting her lip in the awkward silence. All she could think of to say was... "Thank you."

"It was nothing." The reply came easily, but Raven could see from the look on his face that it had been anything but "nothing". Suddenly he was the one acting nervous, and he struggled for a moment before whispering, "Raven...?"

She looked at him questioningly, the tone of uncertainty catching her attention. "Yes?"

His hands twisted nervously, and when he finally spoke, it was in an unsteady and broken voice. "I...I need to tell you something."

* * *

"You're in worse shape than I anticipated, Robin. You look as though you haven't eaten since I last saw you," Slade commented with mild interest as he unlocked the door and dragged Robin inside.

He was once called "Boy Wonder", but the name was now more a mockery than an honor. There was nothing wondrous about the boy that Slade had by the arm.

**A caged bird  
Longing for freedom**

"Tell me, Robin. What did they do when they discovered your little secret? Welcome you with open arms? Accept you for who you are? Offer their support? ...No? How strange." Slade released him, and Robin sank gratefully to the earth, exhaustion making every limb heavy. The last thing in this world he wanted to do was get back up.

"Well, if they couldn't wrap their minds around your new colors, surely they at least let you leave? Turned you over to the authorities? Allowed you the right of a fair trial? ...None of those either? It's times like these I wish I had the luxury of _friends_." Slade bent down and truly looked at Robin for the first time since he "rescued" him from the tower. Frowning slightly behind the cold gleam of metal, he made a somewhat unsettling observation. "No mask? Did they take that from you as well?"

Slade's words sparked something in the back of Robin's disengaging mind: a memory...the crack of plastic brutally stomped under foot, the rip of cloth torn asunder... He took a shallow breath and choked out a response. "N-no...I...I did...th-that m...myself."

His master's eye widened in mild surprise. "And why is that, Robin?"

The boy's eyes glazed as memory engulfed him, pulling and tugging his mind as though trying to wake it from some deep sleep. He had tried to destroy Robin that day, foolishly strived to take back everything he had become, washing away both good and bad. He realized now that it was merely his fevered brain's attempt at a quick-fix...but when he thought of it...what was he _really_ trying to get rid of? "I...I d-don't...want...want this, S-slade."

"You don't want _what_?" demanded Slade, his tone containing a hint of warning as he ran his hands briskly up Robin's chest, checking for broken ribs. He was not in the mood for nonsense.

Robin heard the tone, and fear instantly closed in on him, an army of painful memories fighting through his weakened mind. He knew, _oh_ how he knew what happened when Slade got angry. He hastened to repair the damage. "I...I-I was j-just...n-noth--"

_Violet hair fell forward in a velvelt curtain, hding the eyes from view as her soothing tones drifted to his ears like music. "The road of life has many smooth paths, lit with sunlight and framed in the beauty of the trees..."_

**When wings are broken  
And heart is crushed**

"What?" Slade glanced up, curious at the way Robin's resigned body had suddenly tensed, senseless babbling abruptly cut off.

Raven disappeared for a moment, Slade's eye a fiery brand, filling him with longing to regain that sweet face...just one moment more. "I..."

_"There are summers, hot and sunny, and falls, soothed with cool breezes and crisp nights. They bring us the greatest joy imaginable." The curtain slowly parted, revealing twin moons of the finest amethyst, filled with understanding, compassion...love. Pain clouded them as the next words reached her lips. "But every life has a winter: frozen, empty, and bitter."_

"Spit it out, Robin. I tire of your mindless chatter." Slade gave him one last look-over; no injuries or wounds discovered. He was malnourished, ill, fevering...not an obvious danger, but a danger all the same. A dead apprentice had absolutely no use at all.

Robin flinched at his harsh words, desperate to hold on to her face, her voice, her eyes. "Raven..." An empty thought came to him, swirling aimlessly in the shades of grey. _This is my winter._

**Hope seems far away  
As dashed as the dream of flight**

Slade let out a dry chuckle as he understood at last. "I see. I'm afraid I don't allow my apprentices to tangle themselves up in romantic relationships, Robin. But don't worry, I'm sure your fresh betrayal will be enough to kill anything she might have felt for you. Raven is a thing of the past, as irrelevant as all the rest. Love is weakness, Robin."

The sting of tears brought a burning shame to his face, humiliation fueling them even as it despised them. _Please...Give me something, anything...I can't do this, not without you._

_Raven's eyes were no longer hardened gemstone, but smooth, inviting pools of midnight sky, easing the blow of her words. "Every shred of summer's joy and autumn's peace vanishes, engulfed by the all-consuming white. Every moment is stretched out until happiness fades away into the icy prison. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you begin to fear that it will never end."_

Robin opened his eyes, not allowing himself to cringe or shrink in fear. He was as vulnerable, as weak, as exposed as he had ever been...but realization was slowly forming in his mind, gathering what little strength there was, for he would undoubtedly need every bit of it. "That's n-not...not true, Slade. Love...is the g-greatest...greatest s...strength of...of all." _Raven..._

_Deep in her eyes, almost hidden in the velvet night sky, a tiny spark awoke, burning weakly at first but growing in strength and confidence. The first star in the night. "Even then, Robin, there is hope. Do you know what it is?"_

Slade struck without warning, the blow lifting Robin off the ground only to crash back into it with searing pain. _Please..._

**You bleed  
You suffer  
You die  
Is it worth it?**

_That smile warmed him straight through, melting the ice around his heart and leaving him open to pain...but this time, it seemed worth it. "Spring, Robin. The promise of a new beginning. The promise of freedom." _

"Haven't we been through this before, Robin? Do you really need a repeat of this lesson? You can master an attack pattern in a single attempt, and yet I can't seem to beat the simplest of concepts into your head." Slade stood over him, arms at his sides and fists loosely clenched...it was about as close to angry as Robin had ever seen him. Right now, it would be so easy to just give in, submit, say whatever Slade wanted him to, and save himself a world of pain. Victory was a laughable thought at this point. As eyes began to droop, and tensed muscles thought of relaxing, her voice came again, vibrating through him with enough force to pry his eyes open and jolt his tired mind. Raven would not be ignored.

_The sympathetic glow in her eyes had hardened slightly, and they seemed to whisper, "Is Robin, Boy Wonder, Fearless Leader, really going to let a bit of snow defeat him? I thought he never gave up hope! Was I wrong?" Her words were far more gentle. "It's not always easy to find. Sometimes Spring's gentle sunlight falls on great destruction and sorrow. Sometimes you have to sacrifice much to find that heart-lifting joy again." "You can do it," said the eyes. "I know you can."_

Robin's eyes refocused with difficulty, Slade's image wavering as he glared expectantly down at him. With even more difficulty, he forced out a reply. "I...always w-was a...s-slow learner...S...Slade." He allowed himself a silent scream, as he was certain he wouldn't get the privilege in a few seconds' time. He resigned himself; regardless of outcome, he would fight. For Raven. For the only thing that mattered in this world. Robin was determined to be something better for her, even if it killed him.

Slade slowly bent his knees, crouching beside Robin with no less power than he possessed while standing. "You're forcing my hand, _apprentice_. Fighting me in your condition is pure suicide. I highly suggest you **reconsider**."

Robin's broken eyes locked with Slade's empty gray orb, and his next words sealed his fate. "I...am...not...you...apprentice!" The force of the final word tore his aching throat and stabbed through his mind like a white-hot poker. His best efforts were not enough to keep that betraying tear from falling.

**Bitter tears spill from tortured eyes  
Memory plagues the weary mind**

The silence was deafening, all else fading away as boy and man regarded eachother. It was clear to Slade that Robin needed more...encouragement, and Robin could plainly see that Slade would show no mercy. He gritted his teeth, bracing himself for the blow...

_"In reality, there's only one question to answer."_

"I'm sorry to hear that, Robin," droned Slade, everything about him contradicting the statement. "But not as sorry as you will be, I'm sure."

Robin took the first blow silently, jaw locked and eyes squeezed shut. _Breathe! _His chest was crushed with pain, eyes black with complete exhaustion. _I can't do this! _There was no other choice.

_"Is it better to live a life imprisoned, or die with your freedom?"_

Robin could only pray that Slade would _let_ him die.

* * *

Beast Boy was clearly struggling for words, miniscule fangs digging into his bottom lip as he stared at his shoes and shifted nervously. "Well...do you remember when Robin...when we had a fight?"

Raven nodded silently, choosing not to correct his wording. Robin attacking Beast Boy without warning could hardly be called "having a fight". Being reminded of that now brought a surreal feeling to the conversation. It was still so hard to believe...

"I didn't tell you guys, but..." The changeling looked up slowly, eyes desperately pleading. "I deserved it."

Raven blinked in shock, eyes wide. "What?" A horrible thought occurred to her, and she hastily added, "If you think I'm condoning what he did, I--"

"No, listen!" Beast Boy's voice softened as she fell silent. "I...I yelled at him, for being gone so much and...I said horrible things, Raven." His green eyes saddened, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. "He tried to walk away, but...I kept pushing him until he finally just...broke. It was _my_ fault, Raven. I'm sorry." The last words came out in a whisper, and with one last pleading glance, he turned and walked away, leaving Raven alone in the dark hallway, eyes wide as she struggled to absorb the new information.

She felt an unusual...affection for the changeling as she thought back on his words. What he just did took a lot of guts, and a lot of strength. He really did care about Robin, regardless of what happened, regardless of everything. The empath's eyes slowly narrowed, her mouth set in a firm line. The knowledge made her all the more determined to get him back.

* * *

A scream at last forced itself from Robin's lips as he felt bone snap as easily as a twig, sending blood rushing out and pain rushing in. _I...I can't...I can't do this. _Blood pooled where his chin rested, concrete biting into him without acknowledgement. _I can't get up..._

"My dear apprentice, why can't you just admit it? You are a criminal, and you enjoy it. You enjoy working by my side. Everything about you reflects a small part of me, my boy. Admit it, and I will stop." Slade held the bo-staff loosely in his right hand, watching Robin with a strange emotion in his eye. For one moment, something held him back.

A low growl escaped him as Robin pushed himself up off the ground with agonizing slowness, blood dripping from his chin and eyes wild with pain. "Not...your...apprentice..." he gasped, breath rasping in gusts from his mouth.

The strange look vanished along with any remaining uncertainty, and Slade's eye was once again cold, unforgiving ice. "Perhaps you over-estimate my affection for you, Robin. Let me assure you that I _will not_ hesitate to extinguish that miserable, pathetic life of yours."

Purple eyes swam before him, blurred and distorted by sweat, blood, and tears. _"I know, Robin. It's ok." _He closed his eyes, blocking out the world for just one moment as he forced all of his energy into believing that she was right, and everything really was ok. It helped a little.

**An angel's plea  
Whispers of safety**

Robin knew he shouldn't be able to, knew it was nearly impossible, but when he forced himself to stand he found that his legs supported him. A little voice in his head softly chanted in Raven's sweet tone:_ "You can do it, Richard. I know you can." _

He faced Slade with a defiance beyond hatred, beyond determination, beyond strength. He wasn't fighting to win. He was fighting for Raven, for Beast Boy, for Starfire, for Cyborg. He was fighting for Robin. "Do...what y-you...you want. I...I'm n-not...not backing down." _Goodbye, Raven. I love you._

**When the battle's over  
And the pain is gone  
Can he rise to greet the sun?  
Can all that was wrong  
Be undone?**

Slade's face was grim as the staff extended with an ominous click, mere inches from the boy's blood-stained face. His words were as cold as his eye. "As you wish."

* * *

Raven froze uncertainly, hovering against the shop window in the gloom of early morning. She couldn't sense him anymore.

Dark alleyways flashed by like gaping mouths, the light of the moon dancing in puddles on the cracked and weed-choked sidewalk, gleaming like metal...like a blade. _Faster!_ Her eyes flew from side to side, her mind desperately probing for some sign, anything to relieve the tightness in her lungs and throat. "Robin," she whispered. "Richard." She let the name roll around in her mind, testing it... It suited him.

She was so panicked that, in the end, she almost didn't see him.

A dark shape caught Raven's eye, and she glanced upward to see the gleaming double doors of City Hall. No one was there this early in the morning.

**The broken shall rise  
The weary, find rest**

It would have seemed to be just a pile of rags, forgotten in the shadowed gutter...if not for the horrible twisting in her stomach. Her legs refused to move, her mind cringing away from what she would see. Raven sensed nothing.

**The weak, discover their strength  
The loser, march with the best**

_There he was, diligently typing away in front of the huge window overlooking Jump City. Raven approached quietly, casting a hesitant glance at his work. "Slade got away?"_

_Robin nodded, but his reply was determined, if a little tired. "If he ever shows his face again, we'll be ready."_

_Amazing...the way he could take blow after blow and still pop right back up. "How do you do it, Robin?"_

_"Do what?"_

_"Keep up hope." She struggled a little with the next words, shame burning in the back of her mind. "After everything that happened...everything I did, how did you still manage to hope it would all work out?"_

_His eyes widened behind the mask, as though the answer was obvious. "Because of you."_

Beneath the tattered black cape, Raven glimpsed the emerald green and ruby red, their color dimmed by the darkness. She could have closed her eyes and walked past him without even noticing; the little piece of him that had lived and thrived inside of her had vanished without warning, leaving a gaping hole in its place. She couldn't sense him...because he wasn't there.

_"You don't realize it, Raven, but you're actually the most hopeful person that I've ever met. From the day you were born, they said you were evil, that you were born to do unspeakable things, but you wished for more. You dared to hope that you could be a hero." A gentle smile lit up his care-worn face, a feeling of admiration given off in waves from his being._

_Raven stared blankly for a moment, desperately trying to put the feeling into words. "I thought it was all over, and now, suddenly..."_

_"You have your whole life ahead of you," he finished, plainly showing that he understood exactly what she was feeling. "You can decide your own destiny."_

Tears began to gather in the amethyst eyes as darkness closed in around her like some ravenous beast, reminding her of how desperately alone she really was. Something inside her was dead. "Robin..."

They rolled down her cheeks one by one, burning hot and bitter. Her hands trembled as she reached out and touched him, searching for any traces of warmth as she gently shook his shoulder. "Robin, please wake up," she whispered, eyes wide and disbelieving. A tiny part of her was still hoping that he would.

**When hope is lost  
And victory, crushed**

**Stand true**

The sun peeked up over the horizen, staining the sky blood-red as the deep orange sphere rose above the mist. It's sunlight fell upon great destruction and sorrow.

_"I guess, in the end, there really is no end. Just...new beginnings."_

_**ROBIN!**_

**Broken wings will fly again

* * *

**

_Oh wow...wow wow wow. I doubt I have ever felt this tired before. I feel like crying, and running in a circle, and eating sugar, and watching Mr. Roger's Neighborhood...give me a teddy somebody...I NEED A FLUFFY PILLOW DARN IT! The End...it influenced...gosh what am I saying? I can't talk fancy right now! I NEED REST, MY BED, MY TEDDY! GO AWAY! -babbling senselessly- Dusty_


	4. Epitaph

_Well, here we are. The last chapter. Some of you seem to be unenthusiastic about this fic, so I'd just like to say (once again I believe) I've put a lot of work into this story, which has come from the depths of my soul (no joke here, so if you laugh I'll set Ytsud on you), so if you don't like it, don't find it entertaining, or simply don't care, then please, don't force yourself to leave a review. Trust me, my feelings won't be hurt._

_They Call Me Sweetsnow: Thank you. Oh...basically I was saying that it wasn't a strong enough word to describe what he did. Sorry for confusing you._

_Scarredbyshallowness: Yeah, it did. Thank you. Some...I did write a Rae/BB one-shot after all._

_CelticHeiressFiona: LOL yes I slept...I apologize for my delirious babble back there...and for the record, I hate Mr. Roger's Neighborhood with a vengeance. Yes, I love them. Thanks._

_Inuyasha's Lady: Thank you...I'm glad that you could enjoy it despite the lack of a happy ending. Thank you very much...I focus a lot on keeping him in character...or rather, I filled in the blanks of his character and worked out how I thought he would be in this situation. Exactly...it couldn't have ended any other way. LOL I've cursed people with longer ones...but I'm honored that you gave me such a good review and showed your understanding of what I was trying to say here. Thank you for reading._

_jambey: Yes, I am saying that. Sorry, I didn't know you hadn't seen them...and it's just a little scene, not like it gives anything major away. Hmm...I'm still alive, and you couldn't find me to kill me, so I think we're good. I'm glad you liked that part, because I enjoyed writing it. Wise move...he's not going to be pleased with you for calling me predictable. _

_Darkofthenight: Thank you._

_Insaneiac The Maniac: LOL you're quite welcome. -accepts medal- Shut up, Chewie. LOL coffee plus sugar equals muscle spasms. LOL yes, it was definitely awesome...and yeah, he just might be. I loved pretty much everything that came out of his mouth in that episode, which was a little scary but ok. Thanks, I thought it fit the situation pretty well...lol and no problem, it was the plan all along. The little green elf is starting to grow on me...like a fungus of some sort lol. Gir? ...Do I want to know? Lol. Thanks, I enjoyed writing her for this story...LOL yeah I tried to be nice to her...it was a bit hard, honestly. I'm glad, because it was just...ugh I hope my writing is never this hard again. NOW there's a brilliant idea. -grins- Good boy, get writing now...I said NOW! -shocks with cattle prod- Oh, you don't want to? Well maybe this will change your mind! -slowly rips stuffing out of Beast Boy Plushie- MUAHAHAHAHA! ...-cough- Sorry, Ytsud coming through again. -smiles pleasantly- Thanks for reviewing:)_

_basketcase101: -sigh- I did not kill Richard! Weren't you listening? Robin was killed by a man with one eye, not a funny looking kid named Dusty! ...I'm sorry I made you cry._

_Mystyre: LOL yes Mother, I...love you too. Teehee, just kidding I'm not acusing you of being Mother Mae-Eye. I seee, so you just want to keep me alive long enough to write the sequel huh? I really feel the love here ;) Yeah, the end was great in all ways and it was stuffed with Rae/Rob fluff and so nice and...yeah. LOL future husband? And how exactly are you going to get him? Robin: Ok, that's enough! It was funny at first but now...it's just plain scary! Don't make me use my pepper spray, woman! Dusty: Hehehe. I would...but it had no place in this chapter. If it makes you feel better, as the years go by Cyborg becomes more and more robotic until he decides to remove all his biological parts to make himself full robot. Then, sadly, he suffers system failure. Happy? Ah, thank you for saying that...it's what made the poem here possible. -points to opening message- I watched it and wrote it down for the purposes of the story. Sorry, this has been the plan since the beginning...I needed to write this, exactly like this, so I did. -hides Grayson the Teddy behind back- I did, and now I feel all better, as Robin once said._

_Child of a Pineapple: Thanks...but yeah, he definitely is. We, at least us mortals, all die at some point. LOL thanks...now I understand. Wait no more. _

_Cherry Jade: Thank you, I thought it fit well. Good, I'm glad you appreciated my ending._

_Saynt Jimmy: Thanks...it was emotional because I was emotional, I think. Um...I think I'll just hold my tongue and let you read for yourself. _

_Dannonspring: Thank you, and it was supposed to be. It was a new beginning...for both of them. _

_chiclet2021: Thank you._

_faLLendreamz: Thank you, no problem it's ok. LOL I think it's too late to avoid that. _

_Child of Blood: Ok, I won't...well I will now._

_Mina: Wow thanks, I hoped it would have that effect. LOL yeah, we should totally do so. No problem, just write back whenever you get the chance. Yeah...I think it's passionate and emotional because I'm kinda putting me into it...weird, huh? Thank you so much. -waves to Waka-_

_c.w.a.c.: LOL ok, I'm just a lazy bugger. Thank you...it was supposed to be sad. _

_DemonicGoddess: Thank you, I'm glad. Something she's going to be kicking herself for. LOL ok._

_Aeris-Raven: Yes, I wanted to make sure BB came around in the end. I don't like Cyborg much either. Thank you._

_Umbro Draco: You're right, it wasn't the end. But this is. Ooh band camp, sounds fun. I feel sorry for your feet. LOL no, nothing so dramatic as that. Um...nope, sorry. She didn't let him leave because of what Slade said...she did everything she could to keep him there, then she realized that if he fought it would just bring him more pain. She put up the shield because she knew that Cyborg would attack him, and the only way to protect him was to let him go. She didn't think for one second that Robin would...-wipes away tear- Ok, now about that...plans don't really work for me, at least not super-duper-detailed plans, but then you have people like J.K. who planned their entire story and wrote a history of all the characters before writing the first chapter, so what do I know? If you have a good storyline, I say stick with it. LOL I think we ALL have issues, Umbro. Yes, it was immense, wasn't it? Nearly killed myself typing it up. LOL thank you._

_otakualways: Yup, The End was great.

* * *

_

_"A subdued hush seems to have fallen over Jump City, mirroring the stormy weather outside. But this is more than rain blues._

_"At six o'clock this morning, Thomas Betson approached City Hall, ready to unlock and do his morning cleaning, preparing it for a new day. What he found on the doorstep was anything but ordinary, however._

_"Robin, the famed leader of the Teen Titans, was discovered dead in the gutter outside City Hall, a hysterical teammate hovering beside him. Upon examination, paramedics discovered numerous injuries, though a crushed chest is believed to be the actual cause of death. Police are suggesting that the teen jumped from City Hall's eight-story roof, though they are still investigating the scene for further information."_

The reporter droned on in a supremely uninterested tone, heedless of the black energy gathering around him.

_"The only thing that could possibly make this tragedy worse is the shocking information given by Cyborg, Robin's half-robot teammate."_

An image of the hybrid appeared, magnified to several times his normal size on the giant screen.

_"Robin wasn't a Teen Titan. He betrayed us, betrayed this city. He was Slade's apprentice. Robin was in no way affiliated with the Teen Titans."_

The ugly reporter was back.

_"Devestated by this news, Jump City has risen in protest against the former hero. None, save for the teammate Raven, seem to regret his death at all._

_"In other news--"_

An earsplitting crack drowned out his last words, and the television began to spark and hiss as black tentacles writhed around it... The screen shattered, along with the window behind it, in one powerful blast of energy. Wires danced wildly, showering the room with sparks as smoke billowed from the mutilated equipment.

**The ignorant have said  
You died with a blackened heart  
Those that once praised  
Now scorn your name**

Raven stood frozen, fists clenched at her sides and glowing an unnatural black, eyes piercing white, back poker-straight.

But just as suddenly as it had come, her anger diminished, and her eyes were once again deep purple...only now, they seemed clouded by more than tears.

"Raven?"

The empath instantly sank into the floor, sparing not a glance for the changeling she knew had been standing behind her. She couldn't talk right now. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if she'd ever speak again.

**No one knows the truth  
No one but me**

The darkness of her room was not soothing; it was haunting. Energy erupted from her being, shooting out in all directions. A gruesome poster of a blood-red landscape stretching beneath a black sky was ripped down, a stuffed crow with red eyes was slashed apart, an ornate silver dagger with a skull hilt dropped into an open drawer and was shut away. Statues, books, paintings, all were destroyed or hidden until a dark but otherwise normal room stretched before her tear-filled gaze. Demons, ghosts, Hell...such things had turned from a hobby to a terrifyingly real prospect. What if he was...? No! he couldn't be, he didn't deserve that, he wasn't evil, no matter what anyone said! Robin--

The tears broke free, as they always did at the mention of his name. Raven had cried more in one day than she had in her entire life, and she hated it. The tears made her feel so weak, so helpless. What good would they do? No amount of crying could bring him back. She had seen him...no mortal could live with those wounds. His mind was cold, blank. What she saw that morning was just an empty shell, deserted and pointless. She couldn't help thinking that...if she had gotten there just a little sooner...

Raven's knees buckled, the air was stolen from her body, the world spun wildly beneath her as she hit the ground with a thud that echoed dully in her mind. The darkness of the room seemed to soak into her, and for that unstable moment between consciousness and emptiness, she thought she saw a pair of deep blue eyes.

**Thinking of you  
So hard to break through  
This is my winter**

_"Hi, Raven."_

_The dark-haired girl blinked in shock, locking eyes with him. Nothing else seemed to exist. "R...Robin?"_

_A small, sad smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, that's me." _

_"But...I saw you...the blood--" She broke off, staring at him suspiciously. He looked normal, costume immaculate, hair in place, not so much as a scratch visible on him. It...it just wasn't possible. "Please just leave," she whispered, looking away from that face. "I don't want any more pain."_

_Raven heard a sharp intake of breath, and she looked up to see the hallucination stumble, a look of pain on its face. Her stomach twisted nervously...but the fake Robin soon recovered._

_In a hushed voice, he whispered, "I just wanted to talk to you..." When she remained silent, his face saddened, than he bowed his head in acceptance. "I understand, Raven. I'll...leave you alone now." He didn't, as she expected, turn and walk away, but simply faded, blurring and shimmering..._

_"Wait!" Raven choked, torn between the pain of seeing his face and the pain of not seeing his face. The latter was infinitely worse. _

_Robin seemed to hesitate for a moment, blue eyes peering at her cautiously...then he became solid once more. He seemed unsure of what to say next, so Raven broke the silence._

_"Are..." She swallowed hard, her eyes burning. Maybe this wasn't really Robin, but right now, she needed to believe that it was. "Are you...ok?"_

_His gaze was intense, even more so than she remembered. He hesitated for a moment, then spoke in a subdued voice. "Yes, Raven. I'm ok." He bit his lip, eyes sad. "...Are you?"_

_The question took her by surprise, and no matter how hard she tried to lie, she couldn't. Not to him. "No."_

_His face took on a cold misery at her answer, and he looked away, ashamed and afraid. His next words were barely more than a whisper. "I didn't want to, Raven. I tried...I fought, fought as hard as I could. If there had been anything, any way for me to stay, you know I would have found it." He choked, silent tears slipping down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Raven. I...I don't think you'll ever know just how sorry."_

**So much to say  
Doesn't matter anyway  
This is my winter**

_So he wasn't here...he really was gone... Sudden and unexplainable anger flared inside her, escaping in hot tears and bitter words. "No!" Before she could stop herself, Raven swung back and slapped him hard across the face. Robin made no move to stop her. "You DIDN'T try! You DIDN'T fight! You're NOT sorry!" She shoved him hard in the chest, a sob choking her next words. "Why would you be? There's nothing here you care about! There was nothing to make you stay, nothing to keep you from Slade! I just wasn't good enough, was I, Robin!"_

_She stood there, shaking and breathing hard, ready for a fight...but Robin gave her none. Shocking her to the core, he simply buried his head in his hands and sobbed, shoulders shaking and heaving with the force of it. Raven had never heard a more miserable sound in her life. It was as though she had crushed his heart, leaving him with nothing but broken pieces. Her breathing slowed, her fists unclenched. Anger deserted to the ranks of agonizing regret. "Robin..."_

_Through the tears, Raven heard him whisper, "I can't do this...I can't..." He began to fade._

_"No! Robin, I'm sorry!" She reached out to grab his arm, but her fingers passed through it. "Wait!" The tears fell freely as he shimmered...then the darkness swallowed him whole. _

"NO!"

Raven jerked awake, panting and sobbing, cold fingers desperately clutching a corner of her cloak. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry." She pulled her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I didn't mean it, Robin...Come back...Please come back...I need you..."

**My mind is alive with you  
So real, so vivid, so clear**

He wasn't coming. Robin was dead. What she had seen was just a dream, just a figment of her tortured mind. He wasn't really there.

And that was when it truly hit her for the first time, hit her with the force of a speeding bullet. _Robin was not coming back._

**Your smile fools me every time  
And every time I wake  
To losing you again**

Raven cried, sobbed as hard as she could, face buried in her knees and rocking gently back and forth. She tried so hard, believed in him when no one else did, protected him when no one else was willing. She did everything she could to help him...all for nothing. It wasn't enough to save him. It wasn't enough to stop him from dying...at Slade's hands.

**I can't let go**

"I'm sorry, Robin. I'm sorry."

* * *

The three Titans stood side by side, gazing into the deep dark hole; the final resting place of their leader, teammate, and friend. Not one of them cried.

Starfire's frozen silence had an icy bite to it, her eyes dull and empty. Though she might smile and pretend to be fine, those eyes would never be the same again. They had seen too much to keep the child-like faith that all was right with the world. Now she realized that nothing was right at all.

Every joke, every prank, every thought that contained the remotest hint of happiness had deserted him. Through it all, one fact resounded in Beast Boy's mind, defining everything he said and did, a weight around his neck. He would never see Robin, never talk to Robin, never laugh with Robin...again. Gone was a word he had never understood. Things got lost or misplaced, forgotten or rejected, but nothing ever just disappeared, _nothing_...until now.

Raven shook slightly despite the early morning sunlight and warm breeze. She knew that she had to do it, knew that they were waiting on her...but something stopped her, gripped her painfully, every time she tried. Doing it would be losing Robin forever, accepting that she could never see his face again. He was cold, he was lifeless...but he was still there. Banishing him to the darkness he hated so very much was a thought that she just couldn't bear.

**The coffin's cold fate  
The Earth gaping to swallow  
No flowers brightened you  
Uncertainty forbade celebration  
...It's still not real**

Moving as though pulled by a magnet, Raven stepped up to the casket; plain, brown, and rough with splinters. It was the best thing they could get, between the three of them. Oblivious to the shards of wood, she slowly lifted the lid.

Raven noticed vaguely that he had not disappeared, as her irrational fear had whispered he would. The costume was clean and perfect, complete from his mask to his steel-toed boots. His hair was spiked, just as it should be. He looked almost every bit like the Robin they had all known, though the evidence of events desperately pushed away displayed the lie in that hope. His face was drawn and pinched, giving him the look of someone that had lost a lot of weight they couldn't afford to lose. The cape concealed his arms, but bruises were evident on his face. The sight of him ripped her in two, and yet she couldn't look away. She didn't want to look away. _Never._

**Thinking of you  
So hard to break through  
This is my winter**

The others were deathly still, hardly daring to breathe, feeling as though they were intruding upon something neither could begin to understand. Raven's white, shaking hand touched his forehead, his cheek, his lips. Cold shot up her arm, more spiritual than physical, but she didn't flinch away, didn't break her gaze. This was _not _a body. This was _not_ a corpse. _This was her Robin._

A single tear containing an ocean of misery fell gently on his cold, blue lips, and for the briefest fraction of a second, she thought she saw him frown with worry.

_Please don't cry, Raven. Don't worry...Don't be sad...please?_

The clear sky changed, bright blue giving way to deep, dark navy, black storm clouds emitting an ominous rumble. Large, cold raindrops raced from the heavens, pounding and pummeling the earth with undeserved fury. A knife-like wind howled across the water, moaning and screaming with Raven's agony. Mindless of the chaos brewing all around her, deaf to the fearful cries of her friends, Raven had eyes only for Robin.

_I'll see you again, I promise. I swear I'll do anything, anything--whatever it takes, Raven. I love you._

Waves crashed and battered against the little island, swelled and spurred on by the demon's uncontrolled emotions. Violet eyes wide, tears and rain soaking straight through her, Raven's words were lost in the raging storm...but it didn't matter. They were meant for one person only...and he heard them.

**So much to say  
Doesn't matter anyway  
This is my winter**

Surrounded by the tempest, lost in the unnatural disaster, Raven stood frozen, her cloak whipping wildly, her hair tossed about on the buffeting wind. For one moment, just one, she was alone with him. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed

_I'll see you again. I'm not leaving you...I could never leave you, Angel. Never. I promise._

"I know!" she cried, sobbing and shaking with cold. "I know, Robin! I'll wait...I can wait for you!"

**A part of me understands  
A part of me can see**

She stroked his cheeks tenderly, laying kisses on his forehead, his nose, his chin...and then she came to rest on his lips, and there she stayed until the clouds began to clear and the waves lost their viciousness. The rain slowed...and the merest hint of sunlight was at last allowed to show through. His lips were lifeless; a part of her ached for the chance to share this moment with him, to feel his warmth and listen to the steady beating of his heart...but all the while a gentle voice whispered to her, soothing, faithful... _I love you, Raven. I love you. I love you..._

**The truth lies in your hands  
Forever buried from me**

With one last look that lasted an eternity, Raven closed the lid.

_Go ahead...it's ok._

The plain and simple coffin was lifted into the air, gentle rain spattering its rough surface and glowing black as it sank into the earth. Tears shook her small frame as it disappeared from sight, the memory of blue eyes fueling the pain. She wanted to see them, once more...just once more.

_Robin smiled warmly, subconsciously fixing his spikey hair as she had seen him do so many times before. Slowly, gently, he spoke. "I have to go now, Raven. I have to go for a little while."_

_Raven lost herself in his eyes, entranced, intoxicated. "How long?" she whispered, tears welling in her eyes at the thought of saying goodbye to him. _

_He smiled again, and took her hand. His grip was warm. "Not long. You have some things to do first, and I do too. But no," he whispered, eyes reassuring yet achingly sad, "it won't be long. I promise."_

**All alone, I see you there  
Breathless, I can only stare**

_Raven smiled weakly, trusting fully in his words...but it still seemed so hard. "I'll miss you," she whispered, squeezing his hand desperately._

_A wave of sadness rolled off him, and the smile faltered for a moment. Stroking her hand lovingly with his thumb, he choked, "I'll miss you too, Raven. So much..._

_"Raven...there's something I need to tell you...before I go."_

_Raven gazed silently at him, eager for anything to keep him here for just one moment longer._

_He looked away, hiding the tears from her sweet eyes. "When...when I was dying...there was something that kept me going, something that made me fight, something that gave me hope. It was you, Raven."_

_Her eyes widened in surprise. "Me...?"_

_"You believed in me. You told me I could change. You gave me the courage to stand up for myself. Thank you, Raven. I don't think you'll ever really understand how much you did for me." Gentle arms hugged her, wrapped her in a warm embrace full of his presence. In that moment, she felt the aching wound vanish. She was whole again, safe in the arms of her other half. ...But it had to end._

_Slowly pulling away, he whispered in her ear, "G...goodnight, Raven." Just as he had in the dream, Robin faded away._

_"No!" The words died in her mouth, escaping as a hoarse whisper. She was no longer brave enough to see him leave. "Don't go, Robin! Please! Please..."_

_"I'll be back. I promise."_

_Tears...so many tears..._

**My heart screams  
Breaking, so it seems**

"Raven?"

She gasped, eyes wide and panting as she felt a hand on her shoulder. "The storm..."

Beast Boy frowned, a worried look in his eyes. "What storm?"

Raven's eyes searched the sky for the threatening storm clouds, touched her hair for the raindrops and, with a start, looked desperately for Robin. It was so real...it _must_ have been real...

The sun was shining, a clear sky and a gentle breeze playing in the rippling waters all around the little island. The freshly turned patch of earth in front of her was not damp at all.

"Friend...we should depart now. Please come inside with me?" Starfire's words were hopeful, but her eyes were chiseled ice.

Dazed, Raven stared at the grave. She didnt' remember moving the mound of earth...

"Raven? Come home." The changeling's eyes were desperate, a wild panic growing deep within them as they darted again and again to the new grave. "Please?"

The empath let them lead her back along the rocky path and up towards the threatening tower...but she looked back over her shoulder before disappearing within it. It wouldn't be easy, the pain was still so overwhelming...but now, somehow, there was hope. _Robin's_ hope. This wasn't goodbye, Raven knew that. Robin kept his promises.

Barely audible, blending seamlessly with the gentle rush of waves on the shore, a voice whispered to her, bearing the tiniest hint of happiness.

_Darn right I do. And don't you forget it._

_ ...Don't forget, Raven._

_**This is my winter

* * *

**_

_Whoa...it's over. I feel kinda like a big heavy weight just got lifted off my chest...it's a good feeling. If you enjoyed it, I'm glad. If you didn't, I don't think I'll be too fussed. No offense, but I wrote this for me. A special thanks goes out, once again, to my Editor (lol), Mom. She was awesome. To clarify, the page break signifies the end of the day and the beginning of the next...the first day was stormy, but it had cleared up by the next morning. Well, it's goodbye for this story. I remain yours faithfully, Dusty_


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